A night to remember

The only thing that made it different,

different from any other day, 

was our mindset. 

It was our day.

Not any longer than any other day,

but it was ours. We could do anything, 

and we weren't gonna fight. 

And we didn't. 

We decided against canoeing in a circle,

and walked downtown to find cool shops. 

Being labor day, they were all closed. 

But the buildings were still old and unique. 

As was our experience at the bar 

a couple minutes later. 

I stole their white ball from the pool table.

They were missing a ball anyway,

and it gives us something to remember from the day. 

It made me feel good to get away with it. 

Cory wanted to get off the block when I told him

as we walked away. 

At dinner, we drank sangrias and ate wet salad, 

but when the entree came we couldn't speak it was so incredible.

Jay-walking across a highway with a barrier to get to the Needle

was probably the climax of the evening. 

Finally at the Space Needle, and waiting in line,

cuddling all the way, we took a quick kiss in front of the camera

and up we went to the top.

The view took our breath away. 

Next time, I'll bring tequila shots in my bra 

just for celebratory measures. 

When we got down, we were exhausted and ready to be home.

Twelve dollars later, a taxi delivered us home. 

It was worth it, I've never been in a taxi in Seattle. 

Let alone with my husband! 

I feel the term "newly wed" is more appropriate now, 

because I'm so excited and happy to be married, 

we got to a year so I feel settled 

not like we have to prove anything to anyone but one another, 

I want to make sure everyone, every soul, knows I'm married. 

Just because I'm so proud! 

It was a different day for sure, 

it seemed easy. We just worked together and stayed happy. 

Even when trying to find Pioneer Square, and the restaurant. 

He picked out my outfit before hand;

a dress I have low esteem with but love to wear.

Just one more way I know he loves me, 

he accepts me as just who I am. 

I'm not odd or out of style or unattractive to him, 

I'm Ana, the love of his life.

Yes, our anniversary was perfect. 

Welcome to a new world

I think I've planned.
I did.
Thought I thought about everything.
Prioritized and did the most important and possible at the house.
Of course the bridge was up.
Fifteen minutes later,
a minute late,
I'm being criticized by authority for not communicating.
Seriously?
Forget it and move on.
I'm doing three things at once while trying to make people happy
on both ends of the spectrum, coworkers and customers,
and again I'm criticized and confused by authority.
With good guidance, I got over it.

Lunch, find out Grandma really did die.
From alcohol.
Really? You had to escape all the end of life?
At least what I think of is your smile.
Husband calls with sympathy and encouragment.
Find a groove and get back to working.

Break again,
Husband's at the bar.
No worries, he's beyond faithful and
anticipating my arrival from work.
Loooooooooong close.

Come home,
two-thirty,
no husband.
I drive downtown from our place,
freaking out while crying.
I call,
call,
and call again.
Call friends.
No one knows.

Ask God to keep him safe,
he calls;
just being him,
talking to the bartender who had no last call.
Thank God!
But I think he was drugged at the bar.
He can't walk well
and his eyes keep dilating and then going normal,
back and forth.
Then he wants to pass out after apologizing genuinely.
Really?
So scared.

Thank god You've Got Mail's on...
cried alot tonight. It's all ok,
he's okay.
I've checked his pulse three times tonight,
and will continue doing so,
just in case.
Crazy, crazy night.

Ours for the taking

Fourteen days and there we are.
Hopefully sitting a top our new city,
our new home
together.

It took a lot to get here;
sleepless nights in the back of a pick up,
bourban fights,
country wedding plans,
peeing in a cup,
pressure from all parents,
unemployment,
wrong employment.

Our new home isn't quite what we're used to,
what we came from;
quick-to-find long hikes,
big fires not too far away,
simple minded people in suberbia,
and a cool lake to jump in at the end of the day.

No, it's far better here.
Surrounded by astonishing water,
that spreads out like imagination into the horizon.
Mountains that are in your face,
only made more beautiful by lit towers on their skirts.
Narrow roads that keep you on edge
and individuals crowd you with their need to be different,
all the while we absorb the newness.

It's ours now.
For the taking.
For the molding.
We can make it who we are.
Earnest,
passionate,
forward looking,
and
faithful.

We have the rest of our lives to find home.
I know I'm home where you are.
Maybe it's here,
maybe it's there.
Maybe it's somewhere we've never been.

I know it'll be an inspiration to those around us,
no matter where we land.
We'll be like a never ended song of Beethoven,
a masterpeice.

I love you Cory,
and I love who we are,
not to mention what we now have
to thrive for.
Happy Anniversary.

The pile up

Years and years of setting things aside.
Just letting everything pile up,
up to the sky, I swear.

Lined paper, magazines,
Pillowcases and candles.
Old love letters and school work.
Wedding gifts and prom dresses.
Everything I ever owned, I had.
Including locked up emotions,
never talked about so forgotten,
I believe.

But so much pent up anger has to come from somewhere.
I was so sheltered.
So protected from knowing what really happened.
I just kinda learned that process;
bad things happen, ignore them and move on.

I'm realizing now, that wasn't such a good thing.
It's a lot of stress if you never really sort through it all.
Get explanations for what you can, throw away the rest.
Even if you know it will be useful another day.

The divorce really messed me up.
Not 'cause I experienced it,
but because I didn't.
I didn't understand how to take relationship ups and downs.
I'm only just beginning to slightly have a clue.

go to another room

i'm trying to ignore the fact that i want a glass of wine, and ignore the fact that i'm so bored. but my mother in law is like screaming on the fucking phone. and nope, she can't go to another room. i'm just watching tv to entertain myself. but no, i just need to get wine and be able to fucking sleep. even though i'm not tired. my mother in law is just REALLY pissing me off. she repeats her stories each about 3 fucking times. and just rambles. i really just wish i could just be left alone. or something. 'cause cory doesn't want to hang out with me constantly, which i understand but its killing me that there's nothing to do. i just want it all to go away. please? like, can't you just shut up?

Only Prettier

"Well I’ve been saved by the grace of Southern charm
I got a mouth like a sailor and yours is more like a Hallmark card
And if you wanna pick a fight
Well I’m gonna have to say goodnight
I don’t have to be hateful, I can just say bless your heart

And even though I don’t belong with your high life friends
It doesn’t mean we don’t get together and try to make amends
It’s easier can’t you see
Let’s agree to just disagree
We don’t have to like each other but it’s sure fun to pretend

So let’s shake hands and reach across those party lines
You’ve got your friends just like I’ve got mine
We might think a little differently
But we got a lot in common you will see
We’re just like you
Only prettier

Everybody says you’ve gotta know your enemies
Even if they only weigh a hundred pounds and stand five foot three
If you just smile and behave you can always get your way
It’s a universal plan that’ll get you where you can in all societies

So let’s shake hands and reach across those party lines
You’ve got your friends just like I’ve got mine
We might think a little differently
But we got a lot in common you will see
We’re just like you
Only prettier

Let’s shake hands and reach across those party lines
You’ve got your friends just like I’ve got mine
We might think a little differently
But we got a lot in common you will see
We’re just like you
Only prettier

Well, I’ll keep drinkin’
And you’ll keep gettin’ skinnier
I’m just like you
Only prettier" 

by Miranda Lambert 

Wanna hear the song? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFfkFgsSv0g

It's just so hilarious and SO how I feel right now. When I was at the bar tonight it was just like, meaning I was wondering, "Are you really shaking your pussy at nothing?" It was very strange. The bar was PACKED. Weirdly for Post Falls. Anyway, needed to share with the void.
Peace.

fucking hate it 2

ok, i went into about 10 places today at least 5 said "no, we're not hiring but we're always accepting applications" so it's like i'm going to waste 30 effing minutes of my time to not even get a fucking chance. like they are going to call me in a month? how helpful. i need a job now, not a month from now. why does it have to be this way? i know no one can make it better but i really wish they could or they could just all fuck off and not even be around. like, at least when you start to get drunk, it doesn't take more than a half hour if you want, and you can be happily sleeping. being sober means you have to wait til it "kicks in" and you can finally pass out. i fucking hate being poor.