I can't find the leak

I suspect it's normal in life to feel like you're struggling to survive;
like you dropped a penny in the ocean and now you're trying to find it,
like you cross a bridge in stop-and-go traffic and in the middle your car breaks down

I'm not exactly sure why life takes us down a dark windy road with few patches of daylight

I feel like I'm just falling down a cliff
and every time I catch hold of a tree branch
the branch holds for one second and then snaps. False hope.
I feel like I've been on this track for years, but just now realized I was racing.

Where am I going?

How will I get there?

Who will I be if I leave here?

What is going to stay the same?

I mean, I'm well aware that life's whole story is about learning to
clean it, put neonsporin on it, then cover it with a bandage and
go back at it. Courage then determination.

I see how one with pain and misery one can understand happiness more than those who have it. Humility.

What I don't understand is why random bad things happen and it causes a bunch of little worlds to unravel. Sure, some of it is for the better, but some of its not. Some of it is so awful you don't want to look at it. But it's still going to be there.

I absolutely believe in positivity. The idea that what you said aloud, what you call out into the world, happens. So the more positive your message, the fewer negative things that happen around you. But sometimes it still just doesn't make sense.

I guess I just want there to be some sort of pattern I can follow or figure out. There's no such thing.


I guess I'm just rambling...oh well.