cabernet is fabulous for deep thoughts...i'm sure of it

1)
...maybe when it all boils down we are all just trying to impress ourselves.

i mean, when you reach "good,"
you have personal boundaries and physical space to expand your random thoughts.

2)
i don't always know what i want...
but then again, i so often know what i don't like.
using reverse logic, shouldn't i then know what i want?
<<i forget to think this way, most often.

3)
you know how when you pot a plant in a small planter and place it in the sun and water it,
how the roots grow out so far that you need to move it to bigger planter?
so do i (need that space).
i've been doing a lot of growing, but since no one potted me
and apparently i'm not looking in the right mirror,
i need more space to be creative and random
--without necessarily having another person there to inspire me.

4)
i can take criticism.
i can even take insults.
what i can't take is edge remarks
(you know, the kind of remarks you make passive aggressively and can't just man-up and explain the real problem, only the outskirts of the problem).
these comments dig into my skin and burn.
i end up wanting to fight.
...i really try to be real--to be straight up.
i figure we all have to deal with life eventually so why not now?
and then i dwell. (this is the part that ends up getting me in trouble)
i wish i could learn to have "thick skin" and let life "roll off my shoulders" and just "ignore it"
but it's like touching a hot kettle for me, i wanna quickly pull away from it.
i just focus so much on what other people like, and how to get along with them best.
i'm sure most people don't even think like that at all, but i care.
i think about it;
what's easy? 
how can we learn to communicate?
is there a way i should behave that would make things easier?
and then i learn from the results and change accordingly unless the results piss me off.
(then i stand up for myself)
...but more often than not, i really only want to give you what you want
(and maybe enough extra that you'll return for more).

5)
today i said aloud (and realized for the first time) that i will generally never turn down indirect attention.
i'm not quite sure why i need it so much, but when someone gives me attention...
i guess i wonder why and feel the need to further investigate
(which usually leads to me leaving a door open much longer than it should have been open).

ok, i'm at rambling point i think.