I guess I'm waiting

So I haven't written in quite a while so it's gonna take me a second or so to warm up.
Take one. What can I write in 7 minutes while the tacos are baking.


Sometimes I feel like someone or something is running my body for me. Like I'm here and the world is just happening around me. Not as though I am just 'going through the motions,' but I'm unwilling to make a move unless it jumps out and seems appealing.
For instance today, and most days, I get up in the morning and start some routine that I've half ass established. I do nothing that truly benefits me (breakfast or a wake up shower or even just going out on the front porch), it's stuff like taking my husband to work or checking what's on facebook that makes it into my daily routine. There is so much dead time in my life. Time that I'm not thinking of as wasted because I hardly know it's there, so I just sit there and think or pet my cat. Unless of course something comes along that peaks my interest. And then when that something does spark my imagination, I go there and linger. For too long. I forget what my half ass routine is and fill up all my dead time with social calendar events that mean nothing but keep me busy enough to not feel unsatisfied. Which means I'm always one of two things: completely absorbed in whatever distraction I've found from the reality of the end of the day or careless and ignorant to the reality of the end of the day. Both are awful. I've tried to find hobbies but nothing truly makes me feel accomplishment or real pleasure. I want to learn to sail or something. All my dead time I can spend learning to sail. But I won't actually go and read about sailing and learn how to sail. Why? Because ultimately it doesn't hold my attention long enough. Nothing does because my brain is constantly popping out ideas and thoughts and worries that scurry me along to the next thing in front of me.







There she sits waiting.
Maybe she's waiting for a ride
or some feedback.
Maybe she's waiting for a phone call
or a lightning bolt to strike.
Then again, she could just be waiting for time.

She sits waiting for the time
to
to be that missing puzzle piece somewhere

She didn't peak through the blinds
or play with here thumbs.
She didn't go out walking in any direction.

She just sat there waiting.