I've come to the conclusion that I need a perfect balance of alone time (forced, of course because I hate being alone) and short times with good people and of course tons of time with my husband to bounce ideas off. But if I don't get that alone time, or I miss out hanging out with some real cool people, I lose sight of myself. I go after nothing, and hate myself for it thus I get depressed. It's only when I realize I've been wasting so much of my life away by NOT thinking that I begin to really look at what I want to do with my life.
Of course I want a house someday, white with a porch. And kids, and cars, a big garden and big shady trees all over. But I'm not ready to think about it yet. I want to be doing something to where when I see family I haven't seen in awhile or old friends, I have something to say for myself not just about dreams. Oh yes, saying that my life is sleeping, television with my husband, and my cat and an entry level job is just so encouraging to hear come out of my mouth. To be perfectly honest, I hate it. I just try to stay quiet or talk about something that has to do with something new coming out. I think I need to write an entry just explaining myself, not for anyone but me; to see it all layed out. My characteristics, my weirdisms, pet peeves, goals, tendencies. Maybe then I'll find my place? But part of it I think is a matter of getting up and just doing it. Forming some sort of a plan and sticking to it. At that point it's easy, why don't I ever let it be easy?
No comments:
Post a Comment